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The Fabulous Custodes are three members of the Adeptus Custodes that have completely lost their sanity and frequently harass Kitten. They are sometimes known as the Fab-stodes, or the Pillar-stodes, as their character models and names are based on the Pillar Men from Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. Every time they appear, the Pillar Men's theme song Awaken plays.

TTS Canon Edit

As Companions, the Fabulous Custodes served with the Emperor during the Great Crusade and Horus Heresy.[1]

The Fabulous Custodes are extremely hedonistic and obsessed with body oil and massages. While the Custodes nominally have shed their wargear to show that they are in mourning for the Emperor, the Fabulous Custodes use this as a pretext to strip down to their loin clothes and bathe in promethium.[2] And despite being able to physically overpower Kitten, they are also quite unintelligent and ignorant of the politics of the Imperium. They also hate Slaanesh's debauchery despite their obvious hedonism.[3]

Karstodes is the Shield-Captain of the group, despite the fact that he is illiterate and a complete moron. However, he is also the most fanatically loyal of the three, harshly rebuking any criticism of the Emperor.[4] He typically belittles or insults others, namely Boy, Rogal Dorn and even The Captain General. Like Wamuudes he seems to dislike ordinary human, calling Boy, 'thing' and taking many opportunities to insult him even when he isn't doing anything.[4] Still he is not genocidal like Wamuudes and even points this out to his fellow Custodes.[5] This name calling is likely to compensate for his own failings such as his inability to read, as he tends to push criticism away and onto others.

Custodisi is described as the least interesting of the three by the Emperor.[6] He is marginally more sane and well-grounded, but is also prone to fits of rage when provoked by the Emperor's hypocrisy.[5] He is the only member of the Fabulous Custodes who has some measure of facial description, with an apparent 'ravishing moustache' and also admits to liking bikes. He also lusts after Magnus the Red. [6]

Wamuudes is described as the creepiest of the Custodes, and is covered in so much body oil that he doesn't walk so much as slide around.[6] He also despises normal humans and wants to become an Inquisitor so he can bombard hive cities with cyclonic torpedoes. When admonished by the Emperor for this, he shouted "Don't kink-shame me!"[5] He is also terrified of clowns, especially the Harlequins and Cegorach.[7]

The Emperor finds the Custodes to be utterly disgraceful, as they spend more time lubricating their abs (you mean each others' abs)[8] than putting their skills to good use and serving the Imperium at large. He also finds their behavior disturbing, and can't stand to be in their presence.[1]

The Fabulous Custodes managed to steal the position of Emperor's Caretaker from Kitten after they made a deal to help him stop Magnus' rampage (though in the end they were completely ineffectual).[9] They prove to be quite inadequate at the job, however, as none of them are as knowledgeable as Kitten.

Two of them, Custodisi and Wamuudes, accidentally discover that there's a safe passage through the Webway gate that leads directly to the Black Library, where they speculate Kitten learned everything he knows.[6] However, they are confronted by Cegorach, who mistakes them for Solitaires. Both of them are too horrified to move, until Ephrael Stern gives them the distraction they need to enter the library and bring back some books for the Emperor - who forces them to listen to him as he reads them out loud.[7]

References Edit

  1. 1.0 1.1 Episode 7: Fabulous Custodes
  2. Episode 16: Universal History with Professor Emperor
  3. Episode 23: A Hairy Conundrum
  4. 4.0 4.1 Episode 1: The Last Church
  5. 5.0 5.1 5.2 Episode 2: The Black Templars
  6. 6.0 6.1 6.2 6.3 Episode 24: Of Khans and Cages
  7. 7.0 7.1 Episode 25: Fiery Family Reunion
  8. Episode 11: Intervention
  9. Episode 22: Change