"Yes! I did it! I am the strongest! SUCK IT LEMAN, YOU FURRY FUCK!!!"
Magnus the Red is the Primarch of the Thousand Sons, and fifteenth son of the Emperor. He is a major character in If The Emperor Had a Text-To-Speech Device.

Official Canon Edit

Magnus the Red was found on Prospero, a planet full of psykers that sought knowledge and control over their own powers. Magnus quickly rose among their ranks, turning Prospero into the foremost authority on psykers. Eventually, he discovered the psychic presence of the Emperor, who came to Magnus and revealed the purpose of his existance. However, the Emperor warned him not to delve too deeply into the treacherous warp.

Great Crusade Edit

During the Great Crusade, Magnus was always an outsider, as he was hated by many of his brothers for being a psyker, most of all from Leman Russ. The only brother he got along with was Jaghatai Khan, who became his best friend. Jaghatai would've come to Magnus' defense at the Council of Nikea, but was detained through Horus' machinations. In the end, the Emperor himself decreed a ban on use of psychic powers in the legions, so as to protect them from corruption by Chaos, though he had yet to reveal its existence.

Horus Heresy Edit

Bitter at the censure, Magnus continued to explore the warp, when he encountered Tzeentch, who told him of Horus' imminent betrayal of the Imperium. In a desperate bid to warn the Emperor, Magnus attempted to send a psychic message personally, only to end up destroying the Webway of Mankind and creating a massive portal for daemons to invade Terra. Realizing his error, Magnus waited on Prospero for the Emperor to arrest him.

Again, Horus' schemes went into effect. He told Leman Russ that the Emperor wanted Magnus dead and Prospero destroyed, to which he obliged. While Magnus and his legion escaped, Magnus never forgave his brother for destroying his homeworld, and was forced to throw in his lot with the traitor legions out of desperation. Magnus was now forever bound to Tzeentch and became his champion, one of the daemon primarchs to survive the Horus Heresy. He has remained largely inactive until the closing years of the 41st millennium.

TTS Canon Edit

The Emperor loudly complained to Kitten that everything that transpired during the Horus Heresy was Magnus' fault, as had he not destroyed the Webway gate, the Emperor wouldn't be forced to sit on the Golden Throne to keep Terra from being swallowed up by the Warp. Out of a desire to spank him "until his ass made his face look pale," the Emperor ordered the Ultramarines to retrieve Magnus from the Planet of the Sorcerers. And to spite the Ultramarines, he had them do it without their Gellar fields on. Thanks to his plot armor, Cato Sicarius succeeds with minimal casualties, and delivers Magnus in a ceramite box covered in psychic blanks.

Upon opening the box, Magnus burst forth, still furious from his capture. Seeing his father, Magnus became even more indignant, having blamed the Emperor for the destruction of Prospero and for his lack of support and good parenting during the Crusade. The Emperor countered that Horus and Tzeentch manipulated Magnus into joining the traitors, and more importantly, that the Emperor would free Magnus' soul from Tzeentch and give him a chance to redeem himself.

Magnus still didn't fully trust the Emperor, but so long as he was going to fix the Imperium, Magnus was willing to assist. Working alongside Kitten, Magnus was largely confined to the palace, until Karamazov's forces broke in and discovered Magnus there. While the Emperor was busy feeding Karamazov's delusions of grandeur for laughs, Magnus casually cast the entire Inquisition into the warp. While impressed that the Emperor planned on eliminating the worst parts of the Inquisition in a single stroke, he was upset that he would get the blame for it.

Some of the Emperor's names for Magnus include "Magnus the Bookworm," "Daemonic good-for-nothing bookbanger," "horntits," and "My little Magny-magic."

Still angry at Leman Russ and his Space Wolves for destroying Prospero, Magnus will turn into a neckbearded cyclops at the mere mention of them.

Magnus' relationship with his father became strained once again due to their constant arguments over how to handle Chaos, with the Emperor's offhanded quip about "screwing everything up like last time" finally pushing him over the edge. Magnus managed to corner Kitten after losing his position as personal caretaker, and lied to him that the Emperor didn't want him anymore. Unable to sway Kitten's loyalty, however, he convinced him that Kitten would better serve the Emperor by joining him. After failing to kill the High Lords, Magnus brought Kitten with him to find the Engine of Woes on Nocturne.

During the voyage, Magnus and Kitten passed the time by playing with a Oujia board. When a spirit claiming to be Magnus' "Adoptive Parent" came forth, it was revealed to be Tzeentch, eager to steal back Magnus soul now that he was no longer under the protection of the Imperial Palace. Like an abusive stepfather, Tzeentch threatened to keep Magnus under permanent house arrest and turned him into his "Bird Magnus" form "to boost model sales." It was only by Kitten's intervention that Magnus was saved, as he challenged the Architect of Fate to a Children's Card Game. Magnus revealed that Tzeentch couldn't actually see the future but could read thoughts, and cheated at every opportunity. Magnus used his psychic might to distract Tzeentch long enough for Kitten to defeat him. However, Magnus could no longer return to his human form, much to his embarrassment. Magnus offhandedly remarks that he prefers playing Magic: The Gathering and uses a Red/Blue deck.

Quotes Edit

  • "There's still time to warn him! I could save everyone... If there wasn't a fucking WALL IN THE WAY!"
  • "Alright companion, put on Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. I relate to him on so many levels!"

Trivia Edit

  • Magnus' "cyclops" form is inspired by his appearance in the game Epic. His "bird" form is inspired by the newer Daemon Primarch model from 7th Edition.

Gallery Edit

Team Emperor
The Emperor - Little Kitten - Magnus the Red - Rogal Dorn

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